Once upon a time there was a princess who — what? You’ve heard this one? Are you sure? With the princess and the frog and they — okay, okay, if you’re sure. Hmm. Once upon a time there was a dragon-slayer who — that one too? Well, let’s see. Once upon a time there was a rabbit and a hare and they were — yeah, of course you’ve heard that one. Once upon a time there was a… girl who just so happened to wear a red hood and — yeah, yeah, I know. Tried to sneak that one by you. Oh, I’ve got one. Once upon a time there were these magic beans and a boy named — yeah, Jack. With the beanstalk? Okay, well… once upon a time there was Snow White? How about once upon a time there was an ugly duckling? Once upon a time there was a sleeping beauty? Once upon a time there was a little prince? A giving tree? An enormous crocodile? A mermaid? A witch with a gingerbread house? A beauty and a beast? Well… it seems you’ve heard them all. Hmm. I know! This story is totally, one-hundred percent unique. No other story quite like it. And it’s a good one. Ready? Okay, here it goes. Once upon a time there was… you.

Illustration by Lindsay Stripling